It started off with an innocent flirt, a wink, one drink too many... but it always ends the same way: a hasty fumble in a half-lit bedroom, steamy passion and an urgency to rid each other of all clothing. You are pushing me down onto the bed now and as I lay gasping for breath, the familiar pang of realization hits me: you're not putting on a condom. Or will you still? No, you're coming right at me... throbbing and bare.
As a sexually liberated female, I have lots of sex. With friends and strangers. Young and old. Rich and poor. One night stands and long term FWBs (friends with benefits). I've lost count of how many encounters I've had the past couple of years, and with how many different guys (and girls)... or maybe I don't want to know. Not that I'm ashamed of this, to me there is nothing to it. Sex is fun, kinky, sensual, an expression of myself and my relationship with other people.
But one thing baffles me. That well-educated, intelligent men like yourself still don't understand the importance of wearing condoms. I can only describe it with one word: Ignorance. Because when I execute a simple google search (yes, I'm sure you and most educated men have access to google) for the occurrence and spread of STDs, STIs and HIV/AIDS, the hair on the back of my neck stands up. Simply clicking on "Images" in the Google search triggers an instant dash for the toilet.
Now this article is not about the many excuses men like you use for not wearing condoms (of which the most common is that it "reduces pleasure"... do I even want to hear this?) You can read this fine article or this one or this one for the many justifications you use to bullshit yourself into believing why you are uniquely exempt from the age-old, life-saving precaution of wearing a simple latex condom.
Whatever your specific lame excuse is, I am not interested in hearing it. I am writing this to tell you why I will not have sex with you. Ever. And if I managed to persuade you the first time to put on a condom, because the passion was just too steaming hot and I really needed to release some tension, I will tell you why I will not have sex with you again. Ever.
Because you see, "I am clean" is simply not good enough. I've heard it how many times from a disgruntled lover, seemingly appalled by the fact that my request for a condom may suggest that he might be "unclean". Can I not see that he is shaven, wearing clean clothes (or at least had until a few seconds ago), and had enough money in his pocket to buy me a drink? Surely all of these directly imply that he MUST be "clean"?
So, Mr Clean, my immediate question to you is (and no, I've never actually asked these questions, it's more like a rhetorical outcry), do you really test yourself for all STDs, STIs and HIV on a weekly basis? And even if you do, do you realize that most of these diseases have a window period of a couple of weeks or even months? And did you know that it is not possible for men to test for HPV, the female killer virus?
Then another thing... about all those girls before me (oh sorry, you're saying I'm the first girl in years to sweep you off your feet... Uhm... do you honestly believe I'm that stupid?) Anyway, about them, did you test all of them as well? Or will you try to persuade me that you actually did wear condoms with all of them, and I'm the first girl "special" enough to go bareback?
I think now we are starting to touch on my biggest concern. I'm not really concerned about hurting your feelings when I ask you to put on a condom. I'm also not concerned about the fact that you forgot this one time to put it on, and had to be reminded by me. You see, I'm concerned about the fact that you are not in the habit of wearing protection. That means one thing to me and one thing only: increased risk. The risk for me is higher sleeping with you than with another man who is in the habit of putting on a condom by himself (in other words without my help or without me having to ask or remind him). Because I can be sure that a man like this wore a condom with the previous twenty girls as well.
And yes, there can always be that one chance in a million that a habit-guy did pick up something and is transmitting it to me even if he wears a condom. But life is all about risk. And I choose to lower my risk. Especially when it comes to STDs and HIV/AIDS. Because there's nothing that can ruin your love life, and life in general, quite like the shock of seeing that positive test result.
To conclude, I hear your pleas. I hear your vow to always wear condoms in future - with me as well as other girls (right). I hear how sorry you are for slipping up "this one time". But honestly, it's too late. And worst of all (for you, that is), I'm definitely not in need of you. I have a very nice selection of intelligent, competent men waiting to give me the time of my life. Men who can slip on a condom when the time is right, without any assistance from my side.
